well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We are all done wearing pants today
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
