Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
