you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
