I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
