I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
