i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she looked like the before picture.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
