you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
