The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
