So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Less talking, more tequila
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How external is "for external use only"?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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