oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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