We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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