i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize