I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
