This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
40s are totally the cure
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
