i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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