I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize