some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Rumble strips road head = magical
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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