I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
