If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize