I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
