i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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