No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
