I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize