sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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