Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
