My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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