Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
