just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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