oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
