i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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