did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
