dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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