hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
