So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
