Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you traded sex for a burrito?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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