it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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