i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You took a bar mat shot.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
