I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
