I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
