I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jerry, you need to find god
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
