Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
