if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I said "one day" and that day is not today
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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