We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
