Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
