I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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