Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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