there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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