you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
3 2 1 whiskey
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
