Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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