Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
