I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
