What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize