When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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