I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
