I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize