just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
