i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
