his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
