I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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