I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
