i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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