I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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