How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
