She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
