I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
