My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
