i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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