is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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