just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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