The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
