it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
