Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
