I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he shaved USA in his pubs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
