May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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