know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
