Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
