i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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