My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
