Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
