if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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