Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize