Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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