I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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