omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
