If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize