Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
