I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
