just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
