Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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