i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
