i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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