Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize