Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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