I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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