in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
