So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
