I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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