Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
