this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
