Got a toothbrush?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize