the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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