walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
