i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
