I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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