I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
