Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
