have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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