corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
