your parents love me but you hate me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
