So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
