why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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