I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
