It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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