The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
