he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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