OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
