The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We are all done wearing pants today
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
