How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize