Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry about my life...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
