How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
