i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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