ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
